"Turn me over; I'm done on this side!"

This is a well-known saying about the final words of St. Lawrence. The famed-story goes like this: Upon being sentenced to death for his faith by being literally roasted at the stake, Lawrence, a Roman deacon of the third century, "was stripped and bound upon this iron bed over the slow fire, wich roasted his flesh little by little. Having suffered a long time, he turned to the judge and said with a cheerful smile: "Let my body be turned; one side is broiled enough." After having been turned over a while, he turned to the executioner and said, "It is cooked enough; you may eat."

What are all these musings about being "roasted on an open fire" ... on the day when the Church commemorates the feast of Sts. Philip and James.

At this time of the academic year, seminarians are accustomed to a formal evaluation process, in which seminary faculty members assist the student on their way towards priestly ministry. In a sense, it can feel like being "roasted on an open fire." For no one finds it comfortable to be in a discussion about one's strengths, much less one's weaknesses. No one likes to be probed as to the reasons for why we act in certains ways in certain situations. Why does the seminary have this process?

I think that the reason it is in place is because it is one of those ways in which, as an institution, the seminary recognizes that her students are all diamonds in the rough. The formal evaluation process, while being one of those directives from the "powers that be", is just one of the ways that each man's rough edges can begin to be smoothed away over time. In so doing, more of the diamond can be experienced by people, rather than the rough edges. It is a chance for others to help one to recognize those areas of growth which can hamper priestly ministry. It is another one of those opportunities wherein the Lord would give us a healthy serving of "humble pie." It is a chance to be shown that we are not as perfect as I think I am.

It is a lifelong process; no one masters it on this side of the grave. Deitrich von Hildebrand has written a beautiful book entitled Transformation in Christ in which he describes the necessity of this process for anyone who is serious about their Christian discipleship. It is a beautiful, yet painfully slow, transformation. But there's something about it which helps me to understand the words we so often hear in the letters of St. Paul, "I have been crucified with Christ, yet I live no longer I, but Christ lives in me." (Gal 2: 19-20)

Maybe this St. Lawrence guy knew something that I'm still getting a grasp of. I'm sure that he didn't have Christmas thoughts of chestnuts in his head as he was being roasted. Maybe it was more of a committment to the message of the Gospel for which he laid down his life. Maybe we could ask this saint to help us make his words our own: "Turn me over", Lord from whatever patterns, attitudes and behaviors in my life do not reflect you nor your love. "I am done" with trying to do things my way. Let your will be done in my life.

St. Lawrence, ora pro nobis.