Friendship

A common critique of priests when ministering to married couples is that they have no personal experience being married. The conclusion is that they, therefore, know nothing about marriage and how to work through its many issues.

Though there is a truth here--that priests may be ignorant to a certain extent of the angst and the experience of struggling personally through the issues of marriage (note that even I am using vague language to speak about marriage's "issues")--this does not mean that priests are wholly ignorant of the difficulties associated with the married state, nor of possible ways to resolve them. Even further from the truth, so it would seem, is that priests don't know what it means to love another human person.

Knowledge can be gained by way of many means; and knowledge of the universal principles often can shed light on particular situations which one has not personally experienced, because one has experienced similar situations.

An easier way of gaining understanding in areas where personal experience is lacking is through conversation with others, drawing upon the personal insight of others. Pope John Paul II wrote a foundational text on love, marriage and the conjugal act. How did he come to understand some of the issues so well? He says in his introduction to Love and Responsibility that he had counseled many couples through their difficult times, but also that he had had many frank and open conversations with friends of his who were married couples. He then points out that being able to sort-of "survey" the many relationships made him (an unmarried, celibate man) that much more able to counsel those who were married. Assuredly, it is from these conversations and his own personal experiences with impurity and chastity that he was able to develop such a "theological ticking time bomb" as his Theology of the Body.

Just recently, a friend of mine got married. He was a seminarian for three years, two of which he and I spent as seminarians together at Immaculate Heart of Mary Seminary in Winona, MN. First, it was something to see him get married. He was a pretty good seminarian and continues to be a faithful, striving Catholic. His (now) wife graduated from St. Thomas with a degree in Catholic Studies and also is a faithful Catholic. To see a couple such as this enter into the sacrament of matrimony gives me, a fellow Christian praying for the good of the Church, much hope. Second, it provides a great opportunity for him and I to discuss the married life, as Servant of God John Paul II did! It doesn't hurt that this particular friend also knows the value of philosophy and, particularly, theology--he truly is one who seeks understanding as a faithful Christian.

I have heard priests talk about such friendships, where they learn more about topics (particularly marriage) which broadens their understanding and helps them in their pastoral ministry. I am simply appreciative of having such a resource now, and hope and pray that it will be fruitful for me and, ultimately, for the whole People of God.