Of Obedience

"Amen, amen, I say to you, when you were younger, you used to dress yourself and go where you wanted; but when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go." John 21:18

These are among the final words that Jesus speaks to Peter in John's Gospel. The Evangelist then goes on to inform readers these words signify the death that Peter was to die. Tradition has it that in a final act of devotion to his Lord, Peter requested that he be crucified upside down, as he was unworthy to die in the same manner as Jesus. For me, though, these words have taken on a particular meaning.

On Friday, I received my call to orders. This means that the Bishop has acknowledged my desire to be ordained and has formally announced his intention to ordain me. While the announcement has prompted a sudden flurry of activity on my part as I make the final preparations for the event and hammer out all the details, it has also served as the impetus for deeper reflection on the passage quoted above. In less than a month, I will place my hands in the hands of my bishop, and I will promise to live the rest of my obedient to him and all who succeed him as Bishop of Rapid City.

It is a great temptation, for me anyway, to believe that in remaining uncommitted, unfettered as it were, I also remain freer. Right now, I have the liberty to pack my bags and to go wherever the road may lead me. After June 6, my will is no longer my own. I will be bound to my bishop. At times, he may lead me where I do not want to go, and I know that for myself, in committing myself to obedience, albeit freely, I will die a thousand deaths. My will is strong, I can be stubborn, prone to arrogance, and I know that there will be moments when obedience will be extremely difficult. So, why choose it?

In the end, I have come to realize that in obedience, I will find peace, happiness, and holiness. Part of the road to holiness, for the ordained and laity alike, is the process of conforming our wills to the will of Christ. For me, through obedience, Christ will tame my will. In doing so, he will form me ever more in his own image.

So, even though this impending moment in my life might seem a peculiar life choice to some, and even though it seems intimidating to me, I rejoice at think that in less than one month, when my Bishop asks me, "Do you promise respect and obedience to me and my successors," I will freely and joyfully answer "I do."